June 24, 2014
It’s taken me forever to write about this. I’ve acknowledged it in my mind but I need a physical version of it.
Love is unconditional.
Every “relationship” I’ve had has been unsuccessful because I didn’t take the time to thoroughly get to know the person, and see if they would still like me after that long of time.
When I met him, I thought he didn’t really care about anything. He was strange. This kid doesn’t say much. I feel uncomfortable being around him.
He’s texting to me now? He must be the kind of guy that doesn’t have to balls to start talking to me in real life. I can’t stand people like this.
At first, it never would have crossed my mind. After time and time again, this person never gave up. I even acted cold. I was so cruel to him, but he still kept coming back.
The longer I knew him, the more attractive he became. I began to see how good of a person he was. How caring, determined, and patient he was with me. We were similar, in a way. We understood each other.
Time passed. Our bond only grew stronger. At first, it was a crush. It didn’t go away, with every passing day I liked him more and more. I never showed any of it though, and I feel bad about that because he showed me that he liked me pretty often.
Late at night I would think about him and my chest would hurt. It wasn’t the butterflies that I had with other crushes, this was different. I wanted to be with him so bad that it hurt.
Everytime he slightly brushed me, I had a weird feeling. I didn’t feel awkward like with other people. I had a bible open at youth and he sat right next to me. Our shoulders touched, and for the first time ever, I moved closer. It was such a nice emotion, one unlike any I had ever experienced before.
The thought of him was always on my mind. I would think about him to calm me down. He was always there when I told him not to be, even though deep down I really did want him to stay.
I realized that I would do anything for this person. He was a beautiful soul, a once in a lifetime kind of guy. Unlike all of the others. He was different. And I loved every part of it. His laugh, sense of humor, weird clothing choices, strange hairdos, freckles, boney arms, reactions when I messed with him, the fact that he always says goodnight, and knows the right thing to say to me. He knows how to make me feel better. He makes me feel special. I loved it all.
It has taken me almost 7 months to come to the realization that I am in love with him. I’ve never worried so much about a person. I want to take care of him and be there when he needs someone.
Recently, we haven’t been seeing each other that much. It hurts when we’re talking over keyboard and we both want to say how we feel, but we can’t. It hurts so much. We both know that we can’t confess over text. I want to say so many things to him and it pains me that I have to keep them in until I have a face-to-face opportunity.
Maybe I’m a crazy, love-struck teenager. Maybe I’m just obsessed with boys right now. Maybe this is a phase. But he doesn’t see it that way, and neither do I. I can’t see it coming to an end. I was destined to meet this person. This is more than just love, it’s a deeper connection.
I think I met ‘the one’.
I’m glad I got that off my chest.